i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
