and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
