I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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