so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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