we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
