You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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