You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I supernannyed him into submission
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
