Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
