lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
