i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
