So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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