what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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