her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
