The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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