I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize