I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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