There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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