do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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