i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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