Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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