can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the liver wants what the liver wants
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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