I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
