the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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