she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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