That's intense
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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