and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
