She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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