oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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