yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
