i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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