I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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