obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
