What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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