it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
