is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will pee on everything he values.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
