will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
