She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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