I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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