Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
