k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
