She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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