Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
