If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
