I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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