Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
