just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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