I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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