I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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