i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
