Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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