My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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