I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
