It's just like the Real World with babies
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i think i just lost a toe
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
