Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
