I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
