Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
