I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
