I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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