So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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