I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
