I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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