Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
