Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
