Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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