Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FUCK WHALES
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