You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
