HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
