she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
