I will die if light touches me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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