Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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