If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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