would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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