The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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