I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
