We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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