"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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