They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
