I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
