my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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