hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
